The Art of Appreciation

 It is November, and it only seems fitting that we discuss one of the more foundational truths to running a great dental practice – the art of appreciation. In this episode, Dr. Kuba and Bethany discuss the importance of having a healthy mindset toward others. The foundational respect, often preceded by humility, is critical in displaying genuine gratitude for those around you. Appreciation is an art, and it is art that truly matters in businesses and amongst high performing teams. Take a moment to challenge yourself today – listen to today’s episode and make a goal to develop a healthy mindset of gratitude. You won’t regret it! 

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Previous Episodes Worth Revisiting:
Spotting Employee Burnout
Thirty Positive Thoughts in Less Than Thirty Minutes 

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Transcript

so I want to talk about something today that I think there's tangible ways to think about the topic of appreciation but for me a lot of it is a mental game that we play and I so many times am in practices where I'm thinking about is this person even grateful for Fillin the blank whatever it is um I know in our family we focus on gratitudea lot I had a little whiny kid yesterday she was just in a bad mood and finally by the end of day I was like I'm I'm annoyed at this ungrateful child right and so we had a moment where I just sat down with her eye to eye and I was like I want you to take two minutes and I want you to non-stop tell me things that you're thankful for that you appreciate and she started and it started with the big stuff like I'm thankful I got to eat today yes I'm thankful about that too I'm thankful I have a family yes that's a good one thankful I have a good school right we started with the kind of big stuff and then we're getting to the end of the two minutes and I was like hey we just got back from the grocery store did you have to be in a wheelchair in the grocery store no Mom I walked okay are you grateful your for your legs yeah okay good good did you run up the driveway just a minute ago yeah I did what do you need for that air yeah you got lungs lungs work right you got good work and lungs today good that's something to be grateful for and it's interesting when we take that moment of gratitude and appreciation that it can change the rest of the day right so unfortunately I waited too long to do that at the end of the day but it is a reminder of the mindset of gratitude and appreciation and how it can be a Game Changer in life but I definitely think it's pivotal in a practice as well well I'm going to say something that I know is going to be very offensive here but it's how I feel so I'm just going to say it but I think this is what a lot of times I find myself either saying or thinking whether it's fair or not or people my age say like this newer generation is not appreciative for like the the the whining is endless or or sometimes I'll go back to the dental school or yesterday um not yesterday the other day I was in a uh continuing education course and it was about oral radiology and the speaker was you know we were laughing at film and the days of film where you have to go into the dark room the red light would turn on and um you know the liquids that you'd have to put the developer and soaking and I'm like thank God I didn't have to do that but I was the generation that had to put it through the processor and to process a Pano through that I'd be stuck in the dark room for 5 minutes just sitting there in the dark and um it's not like we had a phone that lovely smell yes it's not like you had a phone in the dark room with you like you were literally just standing there for 5 minutes staring at the panel you know like waiting for it to come out and hoping the patient didn't move to get the head then back you go again right like so like those little things that we're grateful for and I feel like I find myself constantly saying about this generation going they like things are just handed to you you didn't have to go to the library and check out microfish to like research your article you've got Google in your hand and so I think it's easy to get away from the thought of the art of appreciation and gratitude and so I guess then part of that is like what is even the point like for this generation that you know certainly our listeners are not that generation right but you know we all know somebody and multiple people that are just like well but I still didn't get this and my work life balance and I don't get that and I don't and I'm just like dude you are wearing me out for all the things that you do get um and so this this could we could tangent off a bunch of different ways but I think for me like first of all the mental are you are you in a mindset of where you do stop to show your gratitude and express your gratitude or even if not expressing like even just acknowledge that somebody did something something for you that they didn't have to do or I think a lot of times it's tied with the mindset of but that's what I pay them to do yes so I should be getting this um and that's not wrong I'm not saying that that's wrong but I'm just saying I think the old proverb of you get more flies with honey yes like yes I put out the honey so the Flies should come what else do you want from me stupid flies like the honey is there for you you know what I mean but it's like could you sweeten the deal even more so that you're getting more bang for your buck if you will from your investment so yes I'm paying you your five bucks an hour and yet you're coming in and you're doing exactly what you should be doing for your five bucks an hour but how can I get you to do $8 an hour's worth of work and only pay you five are there ways that I can cultivate that to where you want to work more yes um and be just a smarter you know getting more bang for your buck is is maybe it and I think I think a lot of that goes back to appreciation I agree with you 100% And I think sometimes we just get in the Rut of life and practicing dentistry and running a practice that it's I think gratitude takes an intentional effort appreciate to be able to appreciate something it really does take this pause component now I I do do think some people are naturally more wired to just be appreciative I think some people come by it honestly and I don't I don't know what that is but I think most of us have to really fight ourselves because either we're a unappreciative people which we can talk about that or B we're just too busy and we're not really taking the time to pause I love this time of year it's my favorite time of year because it is my internal clock reminder whoa girl slow down pause you're you're in the month of November it's all about Thanksgiving it's all about gratitude and so it is a good reset for me personally I use this month every year to kind of pause and go okay let me look back let me think about the little things that I'm that I am appreciative of but I'm not doing anything with that appreciation and I think if we could encourage any of our listeners whether you're a practice owner or an employee I think it fits across them or if you're a human that breathes can you just please work with us this month on taking the time to put on an appreciative mindset for those of you that come naturally it may just be like oh yeah this is my reminder but for most of us we're going to have to actually fight for appreciation so I was hoping you would I feel like you are one of those people that naturally has an appreciative mindset that you I don't know what it is but you tend to view things in an appreciative you you appreciate things in a way that most people don't so what are some things that you feel like maybe let's talk to practice owners that they could fight for appreciation on I think I think that I just said it like I think the the hard part that most of us go through is well that's what I pay you to do so you doing your job and now I'm supposed to do something on top of that and my thought is yeah yeah so you know you you could um to me that's what's going to distinguish your McDonald's staff versus your Chick-fil-A staff Chick-fil-A staff have you um given them the proper training have you gone through and talked about customer service and to deliver that you've got to exude that yourself so if you don't exude you know appreciation and care and proper wording and how that um team member feels how can they possibly pass that on to your patients so I think that that's probably the number one challenge that I think and I would say even just using a recent example from you so you and your team had an outing at a fall festival of some sort that one of your teammates kind of took the rain on and she put it all together and you were telling about telling me about that recently and you were super complimentary of your team member you said so and so killed it she was just she did such a phenomenal job that is an appreciation mindset right so there's you had to show up to this Festival you had to be on your you know p's and q's and you had to hand out treats and some people that's just like the worst place on the planet they'd much rather be snuggled up on the couch at their home which I know you would PR I like that's me you're talking about me yes but so you could have viewed that event as oh I got to go to this community event you know my marketing person on the team says this is important I'd much rather spend my Friday night you know doing something else blah blah blah okay that is a unappreciative mindset the proper way to look at that is I've got a person on my team that cares enough to find out about this event to register us for this event to put this event together in such a way that you were able to show up the costume that she had picked out for you you know she had communicated all of that to you the plan was done you could show up and just enjoy the event an appreciation mindset after that event goes what a phenomenal event because of my team member now there's no doubt that when you the practice owner were there that you killed it you're talking to people you're making connections you're going to talk to other professionals there like you killed it at the event but that event wouldn't have happened without your team member doing what she did to make that possible so it starts with the mindset rather than grumbling about an activity that you're being forced to do instead you are looking at that event as look at my teammate go look at her she's phenomenal and you could stop and say well I paid her to be there like I'm telling you you need to go decorate the trunk um tell me what treats to get like I'm paying you to to do all of that but in my mind I'm like okay then take a team member who that's not their Forte or that was like oh God that's my job her all of and I'm just GNA name her Natalie all of Natalie's actions were from her heart yes she's naturally good at it and and she enjoys stuff like that but she could have easily just been like okay we're just doing this this this and you know let's let's not wear costumes I'm not going to decorate the trunk like whatever right she could have easily so if I had had another team member that I said hey you're in charge now you're putting this together I would have had a very different outcome and so to me it's like yes logically I'm paying both of you to go do this like if I had picked Susie instead of Natalie or it was Susie's turn say we did it that way um but Natalie killed it with her creativity with her heart with her passion with her energy so I guess my point is if I if I were to just say well yeah it's like that's what I paid her to do no she could have I know if Susie had done it not not that Susie would have done it B grudgingly but Susie kind of maybe it may not be her forte she may not or she may just not care that much you like God damn it it's Friday night I'm supposed to go do this now all right Kuba I've got our booth set up and I could show up there and we could have had like five pieces of candy and no theme to our trunk well I did it you said I had to do a marketing event and here I am right right so it's two very different outputs that you get um and Natalie slated it and she and I think it's because I've recognized before in her that she does good things and I've kind of given her the authority like even this trun or treat I we found out about it the week before and I said dude it it's short notice however we're doing this other Trunk or Treat the week before that we've put together let me know if you want to do this one because it seems like we'd already have everything together like it would already be ready to go but it is your time on a Friday night so let me know but it's giving her the authority not it it was nothing fake but I used my words to say you did a really nice job with this if you're available and you want to do it again do you want to do it again and I can come and help with here and she was like oh yeah I got this cuz she knew she got it but it's because everybody told it wasn't just me but everybody told her oh my gosh that trunk looks so good and you know like we have an office thread I was like thank you so much for making that happen after this one too man Natalie slay it look at her she just got this done so I think just that PA maybe I'm not trying to Pat myself on the back now but I'm just saying I think too many people don't do that right and one is recognizing and appreciating her uh abilities yes and so we have pegged her as somebody who's really good at this now who have I missed that's what I've got to go back and go are there other people going well why weren't we in charge why weren't we invited we didn't even know y'all were doing this trunk Retreat like I'm sitting here already going uhoh cuz there were a couple of comments on the group me going where are y'all did y'all do this ah crap that that's a mistake on our part just Natalie and I have been planning these and like not informing the team so that's a takeaway for me to go okay maybe there's somebody else on the team that's like Dude I could have done this too right so I'm not stopping and getting comfortable in my well I recognized somebody and I appreciated somebody no I need to keep pushing myself to go maybe there's somebody else on the team that I made feel not seen yeah and I should have but the first step is did I even recognize the person who busted it even though she was getting paid but she did she went above and beyond exactly and I think to come back to your point you could easily view that as just an employee checking off the list and I think practice owners sometimes get into that mindset because they've been burned it comes from a place of hurt from other employees and so they tend to try to guard themselves from that like I'm not going to expect anything from my employees in the future and so there's kind of this burn mentality that often times is behind the lack of appreciation but sometimes too just I'm trying to figure out the way to say this sometimes people are just unappreciative period and that is a problem because for example I'll give you another example that came up recently you had an employee something you sent me that showed an employee that was wanting to take on some marketing opportunities and she was like hey just so you know I'm happy to to run out and do marketing anytime I'm really interested in that an unappreciative mindset would go what does she want mhm I bet she's going to use this to try to get some kind of raise in the future look at her gunning for more hours look at her trying to get out of the office work she just wants to leave the office have a reason to get out of the building MH we can have a jaded mindset towards people that is not healthy to me the art of appreciation is the art of also assuming the best in a person or assuming the positive and yeah we may get burned on that we may realize man we put too much positivity into that person and it burned me on the back end she was actually just looking to get out of the office and she's been out marketing every day this week and not at her seat at all okay shoot it burned you but what's the harm and at least starting with the mindset of appreciation and so we can look at that very negatively or we can look at that as here's a person that is looking to positively impact the practice she knows she's going to be good at that and she realizes she hasn't ever communicated that before wow thank thank you employee for being verbal enough because we could have gone 10 years and never knew that that was an interest of yours I'm appreciative that she said something I'm appreciative that she wants to work on behalf of the practice and I I will be honest I did have a negative thought in my head where I went hm I think you think going into these practices is going to be fun because you're going to walk in and you're going to bring goodies and people are going to be like oh you brought us goodies and you're going to talk and I'm like little does she know that for the the most part eight out of 10 offices she's going to walk into whether it's dental medical whatever it is she's going to because she's she greets in our office and she kills it she's really good so I think she thinks that's how everybody does it I think she's going to find she's going to walk into an office and people are not going to acknowledge that she walked in right she's going to bring a nice goodie bag with you know pretty you know yummy cookies and a pretty display and people are going to go oh well you can put that over there and I I think I'm like she's going to get defeated pretty quick because I don't think she has any idea how ungrateful a lot of offices are when you go in with stuff right um so let's see how long this lasts is was my thought and then and then I had to stop myself and I was like shut up like she's offering to do it yeah she may love it why are you planting the seed and why am I planting the seed because that's how I feel yeah I used to think it would be fun to go into offices and take a fun bag and make it look pretty and walk in and say hey I'm Dr Kuba I'm down the road and if nothing else just me saying Dr Kuba somebody would have the mindset of going oh this is a doctor walking into the practice they're not going to treat me like the gum on their shoe oh no they treated me like the gum on their shoe they didn't give a flying flip about what I was bringing in because they were just trying to get their job done and in my mind I'm like well you must be this must be a miserable place to work why would I refer my patients here because y'all are so crusty you know and I just talk myself through this whole narrative but I'm like I do not want to go because I'm looked at like what do you want yeah and and that feeling is and that feeling I'm like what do you mean what do I want I just brought you I've spent my time thinking about what would be a good gift to bring I've spent my time to go buy the basket buy the tissue paper make it look good and try to bring you something unique and you've literally treated me like I'm the UPS man put it over there and I I'm not going to do that and so I was projecting that onto this employee I'm like yeah she doesn't know how hard it is to walk in and I'm like you know what she she will probably she has to deal with our patients walking in every day and she kills them with kindness she's probably not going to be phased by that she's going to try to figure out how to make herself memorable yeah so anyway yes the the appreciation there for her wanting to step up and fighting yourself on that you know realizing that your mind have would have n was naturally going to kind of a negative spot and you're like hey stop it go back focus on the POS positive in this situation and appreciate what the employee is offering to do and I think that is a really good point you have to fight yourself for the appreciation and I would also say in addition to fighting the negative you also have to fight the neutrality I guess is what I would say just the I don't know that mindset of like this is just what this person is supposed to do so while I've already said some offensive things I'll just keep on that track while I'm just irritate the whole bunch of listeners here let me me make sure nobody feels left out um here so I'm going to say two other generalizations that I've kind of run across um one I think and I you will prove me wrong on this one but my natural tendency is to think men are going to have a harder time with this because they just tend to be more okay okay okay yeah all right um and not recognizing a lot of the feeling that goes in to the women receiving the gift if that's what we're still talking about um I think men on the team like not being as vocal about like how this might impact Susie and how she might feel with your words of affirmation and things like that and of course then by that same thing I'm dogging the women going well we are feelers and you need to like not all women are that way for the female practice owners that I now need to offend I'm going to say um I think a lot of times it's well if I show my appreciation from a woman to women I'm going to be seen as weak or you know why should I have to do that the the male associate partner whatever in my practice doesn't have to do all of this but I do no I'm not going to weaken my stance so um I think these are all challenges that we walls that we throw up for ourselves I think if I am right and I have any man out there who's still listening and going no you crazy person I do appreciate but I think I think there is something to be said I think many men are not or or they're more formulaic you know they're the man who you know I've told my husband from day one do not bring me flowers on Valentine that's going to irritate the out of me because to me that's formic there's nothing special about Valentine's Day you're just doing what you're supposed to do right so either don't bring me flowers and I'm just fine or do not make it on my birthday anniversary like I don't want the typical traditional you had to have no thought behind this gesture like that's wasted on me it's actually going to irritate me please don't do that um so if you are formic in nature going okay well I'm supposed to do something on RDA week I'm supposed to do something at Christmas like I'm going to challenge you to think outside the box um and then for any female that's there going well I don't want to spoil my staff and they're going to think weaker of me well then are you coming across as a cold bee and a lot of times they'll take that from a man but not from a woman they're going to walk out on you anyway right so find the ways to express your gratitude yes in big ways and small ways you know I think it starts with the mindset having the right mindset and you need to not take for granted what you have just like my daughter yesterday if you got legs that work be grateful for legs that work if you've got an RDA that can suck spit be grateful for the RDA that can suck spit you've got to fight for that mindset of gratitude but then the to further that you've got to look for thoughtful ways to communicate your gratitude and your appreciation for people and that cannot be formulaic that actually negatively impacts it if it looks like it was a prepackaged plan with no thought to it it actually can take your token of appreciation whatever that was and it can turn it into a negative so do do not do that these can be simple things like You're shout out to Natalie for doing such a great job at your fall at that fall event that is a form of appreciation it started with the mindset of appreciation throughout that whole event you were appreciative of the effort that she put into it and then that naturally bled over into a group text where you gave her a shout out that's a form of appreciation it didn't mean that at the end of that event you slapped a $100 bill on her and you said add a girl way to go no doesn't always have to be something like that it can just be words and the fact that you appreciate so I think you're saying like formulaic like going okay Christmas is coming up I guess I'm going to do my $20 gift card for each staff member you know check done that's not you know a lot a lot of times yeah you're going to have a couple of people that going to be like oh yeah great I got my 20 bucks I needed this but there's going to be a lot of people on your team that are going to be like oh that that's the best you could do like they they maybe would have preferred you to just make them homemade cookies like so you've got to you've got to look at that I think the other thing that I tend to see some of is going well um shoot tomorrow is hygiene day crap I didn't think to do anything you know what hey hygienist pick where you want lunch from I'll give you my credit card you know what yeah you're G to have one or two that're going oh score I got lunch tomorrow but if you don't most of them are going do you even appreciate me like you you didn't you didn't pre-plan this you didn't you didn't put thought into you're making me come up with the restaurant right you're making me take your credit card what you could easily go online and do it yourself you're not taking the time to think about cuz yeah it's a pain in the ass like what should I order from Panera there's like a million options you know here Susie you figure it out no you figure it out like you try to think and go what have I seen Jane eat a lot of Jane loves salads so I'm going to make sure I get some salads and make sure that I know that I've got a vegetarian on the team make sure that I order some sandwiches that don't have that like you've got to put some thought into it because thought equals appreciation and I think there's a lot of people that think that just paying for the the it um check I've done it and and again that's going to that's going to satisfy some of your team but if you think that's going to satisfy the majority of your team you are grossly mistaken and it actually can be a detriment because there are people that are like I'm not eating that crappy sandwich he knows I'm on a diet she knows that I hate Panera well of course I can't order something for every single person but at least she tried right um but if it's if it feels to you like it's last minute and not thought out your staff's going to feel that too exactly and it is to me a way of knowing that you actually don't have the mindset of appreciation so if if last minute random you're like oh shoot tomorrow is you know RDA day whatever it means that you haven't necessarily you may have been appreciative of your RDA but you haven't been thinking about an opportunity to show your appreciation and therefore it may indicate that you are not appreciative enough as you should be or grateful enough as you should be so and again we this is not me saying if anybody has listened y'all know I'm not like celebrate every holiday and I'm not saying that it has to be that but what I'm saying is at least there's got to be the attitude of appreciation that then leads to a thoughtfulness in how you display that appreciation to those around you and when it is not thoughtful might it indicate that you actually aren't appreciative I think it does and so if you're not appreciative then what's the problem with that so I would say number one an unappreciative person is usually an unhappy person so before we even talk about the impact on your co-workers or on your team you yourself are missing out on an opportunity towards happiness or but we all know those people that are like no I'm just fine yeah I've met those just fine people and I would say they're missing something there there and again there's been so many great books written on this now I one one of my favorite is called The Happiness Advantage if y'all haven't read it you need to go read it a client gave it to me and I was so glad that he did it's there's studies on people that have an attitude of gratitude are happier and more successful people they do better in life so I'm going to go back to where I started um because I think we might have one or two listeners maybe still left listening so for for those of you too uh I'm going to go back to again I'm picking on this generation but I feel like it's a very me centered generation what is in it for me no I am happy why what do you mean I'm not happy I'm content but I showed up to work and I worked which means you get a paycheck so you should be the one with gratitude not me yeah so I think it's it's not just one or two people I think there's kind of this culture a generation of people that are like well what is in it for me and now you're saying that I need to Express gratitude but I think it's the other way around people need to Express gratitude to me right yeah which which again if that is where your thought process is like oh we we lost our last two people by the way cuz those those were the people were like I love this topic I want to be more appreciated and now we're like you dummy no you're you need to appreciate other so now since it's you since it's since it's just us now I guess we can talk very candidly at this point I appreciate that I've locked you in my car so you can't ditch me too oh my gosh did you see that I turned on the air so you wouldn't sweat out so that you wouldn't leave me yes that's how I showed my appreciation to you for staying in here with me as I offend the entire population out there oh my gosh so yes I would say if if your mindset is often they need to appreciate me more or man they they don't appreciate what I do you don't     have an appreciation mindset you've got a me mindset and I would challenge those people I guess it's just you and me now I would challenge us to flip the scale and go in those moments of they don't appreciate me I need to ask myself am I appreciating enough and the reason for that would be if you want to be more successful every study shows so if you're back to me and you want to think about how this is going to help me studies show that helping yourself will come from being a happier person who they're that help others yes well aren't you grateful that I am here in this car podcasting with you aren't you grateful for me I am so grateful for you but every person that I talk to knows that I'm grateful for you so and every person that I know knows how grateful I am for you see what a perfect look at this the art of appreciation on display here but it's only the two of us listening anyway so that's okay it's all I need is you oh my gosh so yes go out find something to be grateful for and so I think like this is the uh mindset of appreciation and I think next we'll talk about and of course the newsletter I think we'll have uh resources in our Playbook section on how to actually do some of these things I think you have a lot of really good tips um but I think another podcast we're going to do is talking about uh taking it to the next level like to not just CU it starts with the mindset but then things like your compensation package or your generosity or things like that um that we can kind of keep going with this topic but it starts here that becomes like the tangible display of your appreciation but first and for if you don't have the attitude of appreciation and we talk about the output of it the generosity component that can be formulaic so it's got to begin with a true appreciation and so I would say I'm this is why this episode comes first before you get to the formulaic output of your compensation package and the honor that you show your employees first and foremost make sure that you actually have the attitude of appreciation and that goes for practice owners but that also please that goes for team members it is this is not just your doctor's job to have an attitude of appreciation it is for you as well that team member that you're chronically complaining about find something that you can be grateful for in that person and choose to talk about your gratefulness with that person like thank you so much for always being the one that gets here early you're so diligent in making sure that everything is put together you're totally useless the rest of the day but I appreciate the the morning and just talk about that right and so I think even as employees we have to really fight for an attitude of appreciation and employees can easily go into what are they doing for me and that is the wrong mindset it's got to be what am I doing for for them and that will get our employees into the right Zone as well so this is not just for the doctors this is for everybody thanks for joining the conversation today we hope that you are comforted in knowing that you are not alone but we also hope that you're walking away with some really great tips and tricks to try in your practice we value your feedback so please take a few moments to rate and review the podcast finally we want to make sure that we're covering the topics that matter to you so track us down on Facebook Instagram and Twitter and let us know what topics you want us to cover as always please know that we are rooting for you today as you manage your dental drama