When Team Members Fail to Show Up for Team Building

Team building events are an important part of building successful team members, but what do you do when team members fail to show up for these important and often costly events? Dr. Kuba shares a colleagues frustration when after careful planning for an expensive team building weekend, two team members bail with less than 24 hours-notice. In this episode, she and Bethany discuss the frustration of this scenario, but also discuss the solutions to it. In addition, they dig into why this may happen, and they have a special challenge to team members. 

Previous Episodes Worth Revisiting: 

The Basics of Team Building 

How to Tackle Uncomfortable Conversations with Employees 

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Transcript

 Are you looking for a podcast where you can hear from real people regarding
0:06
their real dental drama? If so, then you've come to the right place. Join
0:11
hosts Bethany Penny and Dr. Reena Kuba as we dive into the solutions we've
0:17
created and the mistakes we've made while managing dental drama.
0:22
Let's get started. Hey lady, how are you? I am good. How are you?
0:27
I am kind of stewing right now. Uh oh. Um, fumes are coming out of my ears right now. Oh, wait. Let me look. Okay, I can. Yes.
0:35
Um, because for once it wasn't my drama, but I have been there before and um and
0:43
it sucks and it makes me angry and I now have for the most part protections in
0:48
place to to help me uh not be a victim of this, you know, yet again. Um but it
0:55
happened to a really good friend of mine and she texted me this morning and she doesn't um you know she we see each
1:02
other at things but um you know we talk a couple of times a year and so she texted me and was like
1:08
hey if you have time can you call me uh I just need to vent to somebody who will understand and I'm like uhoh what
1:15
happened you know cuz she she doesn't call to vent I'll put it that way um she's not a drama at all she's very
1:21
even keel and so it was It's kind of odd. Yeah. That you knew it was a big deal. I knew something wasn't right. So, call
1:28
her and apparently um she had her team building event and uh she was doing it
1:35
at this hotel where people could take their kids cuz in Texas it's still really damn hot.
1:41
So hot. And so there's kind of a little water park and so that she does that every year. Maybe they didn't do it last
1:47
year. I don't know. Anyway, but she had um gotten rooms for each team member so
1:53
that they could go and check in and then you could get the water park access tomorrow too and whatever. And she said
2:01
this morning, the day they're supposed to check in, not one but two team members, one texted
2:08
her and said, "I've got cramps, so I'm not going."
2:14
And the other one, her mom needed her to watch her dog or something. She's
2:19
dogsitting. So, she's not going. So, my friend was like, I'm just super annoyed because at
2:28
the beginning of the summer, hell, even at the beginning of the year, she may have said, "Hey guys, you know, we do
2:34
y'all want to do this? Do you not want to do this?" And the team was like, "Oh, no. We love doing that. We would love to do that."
2:39
Yeah. And so she's had it booked for months and the day that you're so like they
2:46
couldn't if they didn't want to go because to me if you've got cramps come
2:52
on come up with a better excuse than that honey. Yeah. So that annoys the Jesus out of me.
2:57
Although you know if you had said you're were in a car accident because that's what RDAs and team members tend to you
3:05
know I I don't believe anybody when they say they're in a car accident because there are a lot of car accidents. Yes. And they seem to be uh you know a
3:12
profession that is just really attracted to car accidents. I don't hear any other people in any other anyway. Uh I so I
3:20
was like I mean good I guess that they stated their truth but at the same time I find it lazy that you're telling the
3:25
doctor a female doctor that you can't go because of cramps. So that just washed all over me. I was
3:31
like okay. Um and then the dog one I'm like really? So I don't know. I found it
3:38
to be extremely off-putting, really disrespectful, very indicative of a culture issue which I didn't want to say
3:45
all of that to my friend, right? like cuz she's almost like I'm just really annoyed. But she's very chill and even,
3:50
right? She's not the drama like me. So, I wanted to make sure I didn't infuse drama into her cuz I was like, "My
3:56
hair's on fire and she just seems annoyed." Um, so let me make sure I don't spread the fire, but I was like,
4:03
I couldn't help myself, right? I just said, "Well, I'm sure you're just telling me for me to listen." Yeah, but
4:10
can I say something? Can I offer some advice? And she was like, "Yeah, yeah."
4:15
And I said, "Well, I think some of the things that I've done since have been what I do in my contract when I take
4:22
people to continuing education." Yeah. Where if I'm We did sherie boards
4:27
earlier this year. Well, I had to pay, you know, the 50 bucks or whatever per
4:32
board and they had to have a certain number of boards there. So, I had to like prepay,
4:38
right? So, now if somebody doesn't show up, I'm that I'm out that 50,
4:44
right? Um, so I've my team knows if you are saying you are coming and I bought
4:51
you a board, if you bail on me that day, I'm going to take that 50 out of your
4:56
paycheck and I don't care what the excuse is. They know I don't care if your mom died, if your
5:01
kid died. Yeah. If you were in a car accident and you're on life support, like I'm getting that
5:07
50 bucks back. Like I'm out that 50, right? Like don't don't hit me with an
5:12
excuse. Um, I know stuff happens, but let's all be big girls and boys here. We
5:18
if we commit to something and we can't. And I think for me, the reason this is also flying all over me because I'm like
5:23
from a culture standpoint, you're taking advantage of your doctor, you have very little respect for what
5:30
your doctor has tried to do. One of them apparently had the audacity to say, you know what, I don't know if it was this
5:36
time, but she said, maybe it was when she was asking like, "What do y'all want?" or whatever when she was planning
5:42
and somebody said, "Oh, well, we prefer cash bonuses or I like cash bonus." I'm just like, who has the nerve to say that
5:47
to your doctor? Yeah. Um, so I find that very tacky and uh
5:53
anyway, I just wanted your thoughts and then and then how to handle it. I told her what else I thought, but before we get
6:00
into that, I just wanted your thoughts. Am I being dramatic about this? No. I can't tell you how many times I
6:06
have my clients reach out to me with something like this because they put so
6:11
much time, thought, money into planning something.
6:17
I would venture to say maybe even 50 to 60% of the time they have somebody back out. That's it's an alarming amount of
6:26
times that somebody backs out, usually last minute. And so then my client is
6:32
reaching out with the same exact question that your friend may have been asking, which is, "What do I even do
6:37
with this?" Like, "What what do you do with the fact that you've put all this money out and now they're bailing very
6:44
disrespectfully in the last minute?" It makes me super frustrated, I think, because I'm on the other side with the
6:52
client usually helping to plan these things. Not always, but a lot of times I get the opportunity to speak into these
6:58
things. I know the financial contribution that they're making and oftentimes I'm even the one that's like,
7:04
"Hey, why don't you scale back on that a little bit because I know how much of a struggle it is to invest that much into
7:11
that particular event." And so I just I see the effort that they put into it.
7:16
Now, not every practice owner is going to that much mental and emotional effort to plan these, but for my clients, most
7:23
of them do. They put a lot of time and thought into it. And so
7:29
this is so common, frustratingly common that I think it's something we absolutely need to talk
7:35
about on this episode because I can guarantee you any practice owner that is listening has likely had it happen to
7:41
them before. Well, even if you're not, you know, for me, we've talked about in other episodes how I love planning these team buildings
7:47
and I love like that's just, you know, something I enjoy doing. Um, and for the ones that are like, "God, I hate this."
7:53
and might do even something as simple as, okay, we're going to try to reserve this room for dinner. So, it's not a ton
8:01
of effort. You're calling and making a reservation, but even that is effort to try to find like, do you want a private
8:06
room? Do you not? Like, what are the pros and cons of that? Because if you really want to talk and have conversation for us, I usually like to
8:13
try to infuse some icebreakery type game or some activity or at Christmas time a
8:19
gift exchange like what are we doing? Well, to get a private room, most of the time there's a food and beverage minimum
8:25
you've got to meet. So, even if you're planning on 10 of your team members coming and you're like, "Okay, each meal, like if I pick
8:31
the preset menu that this restaurant is offering and you know, it's going to be
8:37
$70 ahead plus a drink or whatever it might be. And now three of those people
8:43
don't show up. Well, what now? You're not going to meet your food and beverage minimum. So, each person's like cost is
8:50
going up." And I think to me where I kind of thought with this friends where I said, "Okay, I I was quick to judge
8:57
and assume that these staffs were being obnoxious and disrespectful and just
9:06
to me it that's obnoxious. I've got I've got my We're not going hiking in the
9:11
heat. You were going to a bougie Dallas hotel." Yeah. that's one of the top hotels in
9:17
the city to sit poolside and if it's too hot to sit in a nice room. Like what
9:22
better place do you want to be when you have cramps? Get away from anybody who could be getting on your nerves. Go check into a hotel and like go live it
9:29
up there for a night. So to me I was just like this is somebody who's just being tacky. I I I
9:36
that's I'm not gonna change my mind on that. But that's how I feel about it. But I'm a feeler. Um, but let's just say it's even
9:43
somebody very youthful and they have no idea that the doctor is going to have to pay this room rate and not have any like
9:51
I don't believe that that's true. But even at that, like I guess to me, this is something that
9:57
for anybody listening to this, we've all either had a birthday party
10:03
for our kids where we're like, "Okay, Chuck-E-Cheese. I can only invite 12 people to stay under this cost package."
10:09
Yeah. And now these two kids didn't show up. Now what am I supposed to do? I could have invited two other kids. Now
10:15
that's going to waste. Now I'm going to have all this extra pizza that I could have gone with a lower tier if I had known I had fewer kids. Like we've all
10:21
had a wedding where people don't show up and now you've paid up per cost. So, I
10:26
think for anybody to act like you don't know that your doctor had to put in
10:32
something and is losing money because you bailed at the end hour, I think just is I'm not buying that you didn't know.
10:39
No, I think it's selfish. I think it's you don't care. Yeah, it's not my money. I think that is it
10:47
boils down to you know that you know that it's costing the practice owner
10:53
something but ultimately you don't care. Yeah. And that's what's really disappointing in this example in all of the examples I
11:00
can think of hitting my head right now. It ultimately is disrespectful to the
11:06
practice owner. And I've had plenty of clients on the other side that have
11:11
said, "Forget it. I'm done. you, they want this culture, they want these team
11:17
building events, but then half of them don't show up. Um, you know, I I
11:22
remember even my dad, who again loves doing stuff like this for his team, um,
11:29
telling me this was maybe this time last year or, maybe spring of last year, I knew he was prepping for this cookout
11:36
that he was opening it up to all the teams. He had bought all this meat and hot dogs and all this stuff to be
11:43
cooking himself. By the way, he wasn't catering this out like he's doing it. He has a farm, so he had spruced the farm
11:50
all up, gotten the house cleaned up so that everybody could have a place to go if it got too hot. And it's a lot of
11:57
work to put on an event like that. And it wasn't just for his team, it was for
12:02
their families as well. And it was it was come one, come all. Anybody can come and I'm happy to host you. and he had
12:10
multiple families back out at the last minute. And so for
12:16
him, yes, there's financial cost of all this meat that goes to waste and all of that, but it that was a labor of love
12:22
for him that he himself was putting that effort into all the work. My mom said he
12:29
had worked for a couple of weekends to get the farm, all the land mode and seats out there and all this kind of
12:36
stuff and then for people not to show up at the last minute. I think he said he ended up having like half the people
12:41
that he was expecting. And so, not only is it disrespectful to the doctor that
12:47
has put his or her time and energy and effort into that, but then also it makes
12:53
that person never want to do it again. and my dad said, "Hey, it it was fun. I'm glad I did it, but I will never do
13:00
it again because of the amount of work that I put into it and the result just wasn't there." So, I don't think what
13:06
team members are realizing is not only is it a punch in a gut in the gut right there in the moment, but it makes them
13:12
rethink, am I going to even do this again? So, I I guess listening to that then to play the devil's advocate side from the
13:18
team side is I didn't ask you to do all that. I didn't ask you to spend your whole weekends. I didn't. Why are you
13:24
putting that on me? And so, you know, I I guess that's not unfair either. But I
13:30
think my argument to that then is I guess it depends. If you don't care
13:36
about all of that culture and environment, then my guess is go work at
13:41
corporate where the your the whole vibe and point is to make money.
13:47
Yeah. And so a lot of those places aren't going to spend money on making teams happy because everybody knows the
13:55
goal is to make money at the end of the day. So, if you're not this touchyfey, oh, I want to feel appreciated. Oh, I
14:02
want to be seen person, but if you're working for a doc that clearly, like my
14:08
friend clearly is very intentional about showing her appreciation, about having a
14:14
good culture on the team, about making accommodations for so- and so, like,
14:19
you're having a tough week, your husband's out of town, and your kid's sick, and so I'm gonna let you come in late this week.
14:24
So, I just I guess I think like for things like that where those of you that work for a place that you say you want
14:31
that and then now it's well I want it but when I want it and on the terms I
14:37
want it on. Yeah. You know, I didn't really want to go down to downtown. That's a far drive for me. Yeah.
14:42
Okay, sweet pea. Like I don't know. I just I I
14:49
get I'm a little too emotional because I do put so much into it for them,
14:54
right? And so I mean even now we've got we've got two right now that have that are kind of um kind of
15:02
not into the team. Yeah. And the whole team sees it and feels it.
15:07
But there are two that are kind of aloof, I guess. And to be fair to them, like fine, if you're not an office where
15:13
you would rather have a line that you don't cross, this is my boundary. I get along with y'all at work, but I don't
15:19
want to have anything to do with you. I don't want you to know anything about me. I don't care. Um, I can I can
15:26
totally see that and I want to respect that. But at the same time then I don't think it's fair if later you come back
15:32
and you and not that they have but I think if one of them were to ever if I ever caught wind that one of them's like
15:38
oh well you know rather than this I think she should have just given me a bonus or rather than that I think that
15:43
would fly all over me. Luckily they haven't done that. They've just been very clear about they don't really participate in anything outside of the
15:49
office. They don't really um we're we're doing our own pool uh event on Monday
15:55
uh coming up and um we they've known about it. I've told them 6 months in
16:02
advance like save the date for this. They know what we're doing and two of them just don't want to come.
16:08
Yeah. And but that is one thing I like about you. Even though you put all this time,
16:15
money, and energy into it, you notify them well in advance. And it is
16:21
optional. You make that really, really clear. Like, I would love for everybody to be here. I would love for y'all to
16:27
participate. I'd love to thank you for surviving the summer. This is my way of showing appreciation to you. It's open to everybody, but it is 100% optional.
16:35
If you don't want to go, you need to tell me. So even though you put all this time and effort in, your expectation is
16:42
every dang person better be there. No. Well, no. It hurts my feelings when
16:47
they're not there. I don't like it. No. No. I wish they were there. The people pleasing in me is like, "Oh,
16:53
did I pick a bad event that y'all don't want to go?" Who else doesn't want to go, but they feel obligated to come now? Yeah.
16:58
So, I I don't like it. But I think for me, I've had to get there over the years to go. Well, first
17:04
of all, make it optional, too, cuz if I don't, then at some point somebody's going to be like, well, you know, where's my paycheck for sitting pool
17:10
aside? You're not getting a paycheck, honey. Like, this is um But I, you know,
17:16
I I do think like even if sitting by the pool is not your jam. Honestly, it's not my jam either, but I do it because I
17:23
want to show my appreciation and I know how important it is for us to get along as a team. And if we can get to know
17:29
each other outside of the office, then we're more likely to be able to function as a welloiled machine once we know each
17:35
other's nuances. Yeah. And you're kind of depriving us of that opportunity. And then y'all pick and
17:41
say, "Oh, well, it's front versus back." Well, yeah, cuz the back always hangs out together. The front never participates. Like, what do you want me
17:46
to do about that? So, you've done it to yourselves. Um, but I No, I I don't like it. I wish
17:52
they would come, but I'm not going to force you to come. Exactly. And but a lot of that too where I was very hurt and very upset earlier
18:00
on in my years of doing this. But I think that was part of it too where I'm like no now I want to be very clear
18:07
because I don't want to buy you know 10 day passes and spend $100 on each day
18:13
pass and only seven of you come. That's going to piss me off. Yeah. So to protect myself I've now had to
18:19
temper my expectations um and say to each his own. If if it's
18:25
something you want to miss out on, I guess maybe I'm FOMO and you don't experience FOMO. I don't know what to
18:30
say. Yeah. So, but I think that's protected you a lot. Even though it still is like
18:35
disappointing that not everybody chose to come, I think it's protected you in
18:42
some ways because then you can clearly say if you are RSVPing to this, you are
18:47
expected to be there. Yeah. So rather than I'm strongarmming every single person to come into this
18:53
event, you know, if you work at this office, you better be there. Instead, you've said very clearly it is optional.
18:59
I want you to be there, but it's optional. And then you can put that strong expectation like if you RSVP I'm
19:06
even tell them some like if it if it is a ticket you know if it's a ticket to a comedy club I think we had that one
19:11
night and I was like okay so if you please check your calendars make sure you've got child care and whatever
19:17
because I'd hate for you to have to I'd hate to have to re get reimbursement back and let this ticket go to waste but
19:22
that's so and I think that's a great expectation and I think I did that like once or twice cuz I'm like I don't want to be
19:28
tacky and be like I'm buying your tickets for $40 a ticket and then I've got to do this and then I've got to like
19:33
I don't want to make it about that. I'm trying to treat you and host you and I don't want you to know what I spent on
19:38
you. Um but I think once or twice of that and now they know like we've set the culture
19:44
that you know if you if you say you're coming and I've spent money on you then yeah then then now you're committed to
19:50
coming and and if you decide that that you can't like your cramps are really too bad that's okay. You can reimburse me
19:57
the $300 the hotel night. Right. Right. And I think that's and there should be no hard feelings.
20:03
Yep. So um I think that's a fair expectation because again they're not being forced
20:09
to be there. They have said and committed an RSVP is a commitment to be
20:14
there and if you don't come you pay for it. And that is a fair expectation. And
20:19
I think that's an area where as practice owners, it does give a little bit of control because I I can't tell you how
20:26
many conversations that I've sat with people going, "Okay, what what do I do with this situation?" And to me, it's we
20:33
change the culture of those team building events to go, "Hey,
20:39
whatever." They just feel like this is loosey goosey. You can come, you can go, there's no big deal. We've got to set
20:45
these team building events up to be to carry the importance that they truly have. And like you pointed out just a
20:51
second ago, this is yes, a way to honor your team and to show respect for your team and to appreciate them, but it has
20:58
an impact on the way that we communicate with each other in the office and on our teamwork and how gelled we are as a
21:06
team. It is beneficial to the practice as well. So they are important and they
21:11
the team should know that level of importance for these teams. Well, I'll even I even remember you know
21:18
I do board examining for the ABPD uh pediatric um oral board exam and I
21:24
remember the first year I did it. I lived like five minutes from the hotel
21:29
where they were putting us up at. And I felt guilty. I'm like, now the board is going to have to pay to put me up at
21:35
this nice hotel that they're probably spending two 300 bucks a night for me when I live 5 minutes away. Um, and I
21:42
think a lot of us at that time the exam was held in Dallas and a lot of us um were, you know, the majority were flying
21:48
in. There were maybe three or four of us that lived in Dallas and then the other 70 were flying in. And so I thought they
21:54
were just extending it to be polite. So I said, "Hey, you know, no hard feelings if" and the director at that time was
22:01
like, "Oh, no. We encourage all of our examiners to be together so that way you
22:08
guys get to know each other. You're sitting on the bus together when we're transporting you to and from the exam facility. When you are going to dinner,
22:15
that's why we organize these dinners so that y'all can get to know each other because then you have some cohes. It's
22:21
the first time you meet and talk to each other should not be right there in front of the candidate when you're about to
22:27
give an exam. Like you want a good, smooth, fair exam. And if you've already broken the ice with people and you've
22:32
met and talked with people, then you're going to have a better exam for both the candidate and to protect the integrity
22:38
of the board. And that was a lesson learned. Then I was like, "Okay, you're right." And so in our offices for us to,
22:45
you know, I always talk about how it's to give each other grace when you know, sweet Sally at the front is being a
22:51
ding-dong and you're like, "God, I want to kill her." But then you see how nice she is outside and and you see like you
22:58
saw her how she interacted with that me, you know, that waiter that was ignoring us, but all her sweetness won him over
23:03
and now he was paying a lot of attention to our group and even got us around to free shots. That was sweet Sally. Okay.
23:10
She can seem like ding-dong, but she's really sweet. Yeah. And then you've got, you know, Mayhem Mary that's a back here, and we're
23:17
like, we all can't stand her. Like, she just rides us all day. But then she's the one telling jokes at the party. And
23:23
like, she's the one making everybody laugh. And when the waiter forgot our food, she's the one who got back there
23:29
and got our food going so that we weren't starving. Like, you just see things about each other that you're
23:35
like, you know what? this person seems like a real bee at work, but she's actually quite effective and quite funny. I actually quite enjoyed working
23:41
with, you know, being around her here. And and it may not be the case. You there may still be people you're like, I can't stand her in the office and I
23:46
can't stand her outside either, right? But at least the majority of the time, the feeling is we're a team. We're quote
23:54
a family. Like we have to we're a we're trying to function as a welloiled machine. Yeah. and like we don't love all our
24:01
family members, but we've got to get along and this helps us get along when we have these gatherings. Um, so I think
24:06
for me that's how my first thought is like trying to like each other and find
24:12
things to appreciate about each other is easier to do when you're outside the office. Yeah. Um or things that's what I was
24:18
saying like I like to try to play games or whatever you know like some uh I think just even now where I'm like okay
24:24
we're all going to be sitting in a pool with our drinks on you know at our event and we've got some new people and you
24:30
know whatever like let's play two truths and a lie. Yeah. Let's play a would you rather cuz
24:37
I think things like that that will it not be about dentistry not be about work. Maybe we don't want to hear about
24:44
Mary's mom's third surgery on her, right? Like maybe that's all Mary talks about. We're like, "We're tired of
24:50
hearing about your mom or we're tired of hearing about your dog." Like I don't know. But it might be like, "Oh, I didn't even know you had a dog or I
24:55
didn't know." And so things that can help generate to get to know each other.
25:01
And dare I say again, if you don't want to get to know each other, maybe the corporate environment is what's right for you. And off you get. If you're in
25:07
our offices, you've told us that you want to be here because you're acknowledged and seen and your voice
25:13
matters and you like the team and you like the harmony and then yet you're the one who's going to bail on me at the end hour. Like that's not okay.
25:19
No, it's not fair to the dock and it's not fair to the team ultimately the team
25:24
members that made a commitment to be there that are participating in the event and getting all the benefits that you're just talking about out of that
25:30
team event, but you bailed. And I will say, I mean, not to sound too harsh, but
25:36
to me, I'm like, what else are you bailing on? Like, should I be looking at
25:41
you more closely in the work setting to go, "What other corners are you cutting when it doesn't suit you?" Yeah.
25:48
You're going to take this path? Yeah. Cuz all I was doing was showering you with
25:54
a bougie place. And the best you can come up with is you had cramps and you can't make it and that's such an
26:01
inconvenience to you. So what else are you like going no I don't want to check those charts because I don't feel like
26:07
it today I didn't get Starbucks made my drink wrong and you know what I mean like what agreed when it doesn't suit you then what are
26:12
you going to do? Yeah. Um so I guess you know here I I really am picking on the team.
26:19
What can doctors do about it? I know. So for me I do think you
26:24
mentioned the word culture. I do think it's a culture issue here to go not not
26:29
like oh the whole team culture is broken but if somebody's bailing on you for a
26:36
minimal excuse at the least at the last minute I start going okay does that team
26:42
member not respect you enough to come does that team member not have enough respect for their co-workers to show up
26:50
when they said that they were going to show up so it so we first and foremost need to go do we have a culture problem
26:56
and not that this is a pervasive culture problem. One team member failed or two team member members failed on this but I
27:04
would say you need to look at those two team members. Um because of the questions I just asked like that would
27:10
make me suspect to go do I trust this person and are they potentially a
27:16
culture problem. Now, I'm not saying go off and fire somebody for not coming to
27:21
team building, but I think you need to have an evaluation process over the next
27:27
few months. Maybe little tasks that you give them. Did they get that done? Um, how was there how was their
27:32
communication with me? Do I sense an attitude? Is there something going on here that I need to dig into because she
27:39
was very quick to bail on this team building event? So, am I missing something with this person? Maybe that's
27:45
where we incorporate the team feedback forms, right? And how is the team viewing her? Does she seem like she's
27:51
wellreceived among the team? Do they appreciate her? So, I think first and foremost, it does it should cause us to
27:57
pause and go, do we have a problem here? Which I'm glad you said that because I think my friend thought I was crazy cuz
28:02
right, cuz she's very even kill. She's like no drama. She was venting, right? But I was like, but to me this speaks
28:09
highly like it to me that's very disrespectful to do that to you at the end hour. Um, and so do you have a
28:15
culture problem? Yeah. And so, you know, she might have been viewing that as, oh, you're making a
28:20
mountain out of nothing. Like, I shouldn't have called you. I, you know, but to me, I'm like, no. Cuz this to me,
28:25
I don't want to ignore this. To me is a red flag. And you need to do your due diligence to see if you do have somebody who's to
28:32
your in front of everybody on the surface level going rah, yay team, yay culture. But then when you do something
28:39
like this, something ain't right. Yeah. And it could be that it's just that person or it could be that it's a
28:45
pervasive culture problem and you do need to figure that out. Um, so I would say step one, don't just assume that
28:52
it's this person. Take a moment to go, whoa, wait a second, do I have a problem and let's evaluate this starting with
28:58
the person that bailed and then letting it look at the other culture uh the other team members for culture as well.
29:04
So I would say that's step one. And then step two is you need to evaluate what you're doing going forward from a team
29:11
building standpoint. Are you going to continue to put together events like this? Maybe you're doing like I think
29:18
about the frequency with which you do team building events. You are you've got
29:24
these throughout the year. I would say every other month or so. You've got something and that that is a passion of
29:30
yours that has created a really great culture on your team. There's an appreciation for that. So it it works.
29:37
If you are somebody that people are bailing on the team building last minute every time you have something and you're
29:42
doing something every other month, the first question I might ask is maybe that's too much. Maybe your team doesn't
29:48
appreciate it enough for you to keep financially investing. And maybe you do need to scale back momentarily. Maybe
29:54
you don't stay scaled back, but it's enough of a wakeup call that you're like, "Okay, let me make sure that I'm
30:01
investing properly in this team and maybe I cut a couple out just to assess
30:07
if there's less of them, are they more inclined to be there?" Like, for example, if I've got a client that only
30:13
does one team building event a year, it's like, "Yep, Christmas. We do a Christmas party every year and that's
30:18
it. We we go all in on that Christmas party." I can guarantee you that those team members are probably showing up to
30:23
that one Christmas party because it's the one and only thing that they're experiencing from a team building
30:28
standpoint. So even just evaluating the frequency or the quantity of those team
30:34
building events may be a good takeaway on this as well. And then I would say the third thing is exactly what you do.
30:40
Setting the expectations on if you are SVP I'm expecting you and there is a
30:46
consequence if you don't come. Um, so I
30:51
I agree with all of that. Um, because I think I did do a lot and I think I could
30:58
see myself like there was I backed off myself just kind of going I don't need to do this and I do try to vary it up
31:04
some because I don't want anybody to think that they're owed or that I'm always going to like I don't want somebody to expect that of me that I'm
31:11
always going to XYZ. So I'm like no we're not doing that this year. We're not doing whatever and I just leave it
31:16
at that. Um, so two things I want to talk about. One was um, and well, let me
31:24
ask you this one first. So the the team member, because I know this has come up in my office before. Um, how do you
31:31
handle when a team member has either alluded to or has directly said, "Well,
31:36
I'd rather have a cash bonus." I find that to be so incredibly techy.
31:41
Um, but on the other hand, I guess if the doctor's like, "What do you guys like?"
31:46
then you've kind of opened yourself up for it, right? What do you think is the how do we handle that if somebody you know if I
31:54
think I had I remember another colleague years ago had arranged for her team for
31:59
their Christmas gift or whatever gift it was that uh they were she was going to bring in a professional photographer to
32:06
get head shot cuz it's expensive and she's like you know like I get my head shot
32:11
and team members may want it for their resumes or their whatever and who who's going to go spend 150 bucks I'm getting
32:17
there so she went through the trouble of bringing in the photographer with the backdrop and was going to gift them all this and she said she had had a couple
32:23
of team members that were belly aching like what am I supposed to do with this picture? Why couldn't she have just given us money?
32:29
Ah yeah. And so I I know that that is something that um enters people's minds.
32:36
Yeah. Just give me the money. So what what are your thoughts on that for the doctor to
32:42
nip that in the bud if they hear that? But also for team members who are listening who are going well yeah I
32:47
would rather have the cash. I really don't want my photo. I really don't want a night at a hotel. Can you just give me the $200 instead?
32:53
Right. Can you give us some thoughts on Am I being too, you know, sentimental and
33:00
saying, "Well, no, I want to gift you this instead." Um, I don't know. What
33:05
are what are your thoughts? So, and it's gonna I'm going to cut straight down the middle of this conversation and go, I
33:12
can absolutely see it from the doctor's perspective, which is, well, no, I put a lot of thought into this gift and I
33:18
meant something by it and now you're poo pooing on this and going, I would like this instead.
33:24
Um, you know, it'd be like one of my kids, my parents give them a
33:31
wellthoughtout gift and they look at it and hand it back and go, "Can you just
33:36
return this and give me the money instead?" I would beat the mess out of my kid for that. I mean, like, that is
33:42
disrespectful on so many levels. So, from a team member standpoint, you should not be saying that. That is rude.
33:49
Now from the doctor's owner doctor owner side I would say you need to evaluate if
33:55
they're saying that stop and go okay are they financially
34:01
are they being rewarded in the practice are are they saying that because man a
34:06
bonus is the only way I'm going to make more in this practice so you need to pause and go are they asking for cash
34:13
because they financially need it and they would prefer that to put food on the table as
34:22
opposed to the head shot in your example that you said. So, we need to stop and evaluate that. But the other side of
34:29
team building is it should be team building. There is a side benefit to the
34:34
practice owner in investing that money in the team so that they are building better connections. They're
34:40
communicating better. Just like you said earlier, you're seeing that team member in a different light. So the the
34:45
business owner is gaining something out of that team building. So if you need to make a change, maybe it's instead of the
34:52
six team building events, maybe you're doing three and then you're subbing out cash for the other ones. Um so evaluate
35:00
yourself first and make sure you don't need to make changes. Now, from the team member side of things, I think it's
35:07
really rude to say that it's okay to say, "Oh man, instead of spending a day
35:13
at the pool, I could have really you we just paid all this money for school supplies. I could have really used the
35:18
money. We're kind of hurting." That's real life. And we can't fault our team
35:24
members for thinking that. like, oh gosh, if I traded the value of this day in, or what if it's on a work day and
35:31
it's like, oh man, I'm missing so many hours of work. I really needed to work to be able to put food on the table.
35:38
Because that that's a very real reality. And so I think from the team member standpoint, we should never say it, but
35:45
then in your meetings that you have with the practice owner, share some ideas and
35:50
go, "Hey, have you ever, you know, thought about doing um subbing out maybe this team building event and could we do
35:57
something in the office that's really productive for the practice that might be a bonus at the end of that month?"
36:05
You know, just an idea. So it's not just like, "Hey, can you give us cash instead of doing the head shot?" No. come up
36:11
come up with a plan to go, hey, I've thought about we could really maximize August if we did this, this, this, and
36:17
this. And maybe that would be a really big production month for the practice. And then maybe we could do a bonus attached to that. So, you can get
36:24
feedback to your doctor in a way that is does not sound self-centered, which is
36:29
like I want the cash, which is rude. Like two of mine that aren't coming to our party are going to go work. It's on
36:35
a Monday. Yeah. Fair. Off you go. Go work. I I you know I will miss you and I
36:40
feel bad that you have that you have to work when the rest of us are going to go enjoy our time at the pool.
36:45
Yeah, that sucks for you, but I respect that. Like off you go. Um
36:52
the other question I had for you is back to the friend. So when I was like,
36:58
"Okay, can I give you some advice? First of all, you need to learn to protect yourself by, you know, all the things we've talked about." The other thing I
37:04
said was, "She's a client of yours." And I said, "Well, luckily you've got Bethany." And if I was you, I would put
37:09
Bethany on them because Bethany will set them straight real quick and that way you can keep your hands clean. Um, and
37:16
you know, so can you talk about like first of all what what you should do, what you would do if somebody doesn't
37:23
have a Bethany or if you if she does ask you to talk to these team members, you talk to the whole team, just these two?
37:29
Like what what what can you do in this situation? So for me it's different if I'm stepping in because I'm going to
37:36
speak very clearly and go that was super disrespectful and as a consultant I may
37:42
potentially be advising my client to cut back on team building because of your actions here. So I would take a very uh
37:50
direct approach cuz it irritates me very badly. Not just in this situation, but
37:55
also for all of the clients that I've set with that have put all this heart and money into these events to have team
38:02
members disrespect them in that way. It's very frustrating. So, I would bring a very direct approach to them. I get
38:09
that I'm different because I pop in once a month and I can be the bad guy and I can walk away. I don't have to sit and
38:16
look at these ladies on a daily basis. So for a practice owner to go and do that, that's much much more challenging
38:22
because you need to work with them for the next for however long. Um, so for the practice owner that's needing to
38:29
step in and deal with this situation, it needs to be addressed. In my opinion, I
38:34
don't think we can gloss over this because it may reinforce a negative culture or the expectation that you can
38:41
just poo poo on this gift and everything's going to be status quo. So I do think it needs to be addressed. I
38:47
would probably say individually uh if I step in and help my client on this, I would have an individual conversation
38:53
with each of those um team members that did that. And I would say the same thing for the practice owner rather than, you
39:00
know, huddling up the whole all 10 people and going come on in. Let's talk about team building and let's set some
39:06
really clear expectations. Everybody in that room knows that you're talking to the one or two people that bailed. So
39:11
don't do that. go directly to those two people and communicate your disappointment. I want I do want you to
39:18
know that this was a really big deal for you to back out last minute. Even though
39:23
I wouldn't normally do this, I do need you to see the cost of what that h what
39:28
happened because of that. I couldn't get my money back. It ended up being a $600 that I couldn't use. It went down the
39:36
drain and that's unacceptable going forward. So in the future if you RSVP
39:41
for an event you need to come. So you direct it you kind of directly talk with
39:46
them but then I would make policy changes for the team building. So in that case what I can see happening what
39:51
this doctor might face if she were to talk to because I think one of the rooms
39:58
um another the doctor called another team member and said hey this room is not going to be used if you want to
40:03
bring your whole family cuz she was only going to bring like her two kids but now she's going to bring her niece and nephew and whatever. So she's getting
40:10
two rooms and then the the other one that person herself offered up her own
40:16
room to somebody else. I'm like, "That wasn't your room to offer up." Yeah. So anyway, um and so now this one team
40:23
member is getting like three rooms for her whole family. And so in their mind,
40:28
the two who bailed might be like, "Well, it didn't go to waste. She got these rooms. What are you complaining about?"
40:34
Like, so if if they came back with that, then what would you do? Then I would say, "But I wouldn't have."
40:39
You got to think of the initial booking. I would never have booked three rooms
40:44
for this one employee and all of her family. That is $600 that I would not have spent. So, yes, it did go to waste.
40:52
Even though somebody used it, I would have never intentionally spent that money like that. You could have told me
40:58
if you were wishy-washy on this event, you should have never RSVPd for it and I would have saved myself $600 in that
41:06
booking. So, and I think their response will tell you a lot if they're kind of like, "Well, that's just not my I I
41:12
can't help that I had cramps that morning." I think there you go. You've got your culture problem person. Yeah.
41:18
And you need to just Or if they're just like, "Okay, I apologize. I understand." Then that's the one like you were
41:23
saying, you got to watch them. Yep. Yeah. Cuz again, I just I don't know.
41:29
It's exceedingly disrespectful. It's exceedingly frustrating for the
41:34
practice owner to have put all that thought in and then for somebody to bail. And so if they aren't realizing
41:41
that and they're like, "Well, it's not my fault." Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I would say that's potentially a culture
41:47
problem that we need to either move on out or somehow minimize their their
41:52
potential impact on the team because unfortunately negative carries forward.
41:58
And if they've kind of got that disrespect for the doctor, they will spread it to other team members.
42:04
When I even think about, okay, if you're going to be that disrespectful with the doctor's resources, then are you the one who's always putting like 10 gods
42:10
instead of two and don't care? Are you the one that's taking the uh bonding agent and leaving it
42:17
uncapped? Are you the one who's, you know, dropped the nomad three times?
42:23
Like if you have a very little level of respect for the financial resources.
42:29
Yeah. Then that probably carries over and then you are getting that, you know, other
42:35
team members are being exposed to this one person. Are you the one who's just like I don't feel like following up on
42:40
that claim, right? It's like insurance ain't going to pay it. I'm not going to follow up on it. Yeah, it's not my money. Well,
42:46
it's a character issue. It is a character issue and character impacts even our workflow. The other thing that
42:54
I think about too is if there is that level of disrespect ultimately for the
43:00
doctor. I do wonder how else is that disrespect potentially being
43:07
communicated. So, not only am I disrespecting my role and what I potentially should be doing or how lazy
43:12
I might be in that role, but am I spreading that disrespect
43:19
elsewhere? Even in patient interactions, like, yeah, you don't I mean, yeah, I know the doctor recommended this crown,
43:24
but I think you're fine if you wait a year. Yeah. You know, it's just where does it end? I think so. knowing knowing this colleague
43:31
and you know her well obviously like if she um if she doesn't have you talk to them,
43:38
I could just see her not saying anything and just making some policy changes. Mhm.
43:43
And um and and I think, you know, again, she's very drama averse and just very
43:49
low-key chill, very black and white direct. And I think that could work well for her. I think her team would probably
43:55
pick up on it very quickly to go um okay, this is why these changes have been made.
44:00
Um so it it may work for her to not address it, but I just think I I think
44:06
she would if nothing else, she's she's going to start watching these two people very carefully. Yeah.
44:11
Cuz she's not a dummy. No. No. And to me, that's a great
44:18
takeaway as well, is that it's like, okay, we're going to keep a close eye on that person or those people. Um,
44:25
and to me, that's a great takeaway, too. I do think she'll make some changes. I could see her being the type of person
44:31
that's like, "This ain't going to happen again." And again, she's incredibly low drama, levelheaded, and she's also the
44:38
type of person like there's no reason to get up my panties all in a twist about something that I can't do anything about, which I think is the right
44:44
mindset. Um, absolutely, cuz that's wasted emotional energy. But I do think
44:49
she'll make changes to where it cannot happen again. And I think that's a good takeaway. So, so frustrating. Team
44:58
members, I always like to say a little note to team members. Please understand the thought process
45:04
and the time and the energy and the money that goes into these. And while
45:09
team members, you are appreciated and you are cared for and we couldn't do this without you, make no mistake that
45:16
the doctor doesn't have to do these things for you. And so if you've got a
45:21
doctor that is like this lady that we're talking about today and is doing these things, please don't disrespect it. Be
45:28
thankful for it and grateful for it. And um you know, just I don't know, don't
45:34
disrespect it by bailing on it or by ruin it for your teammates because guaranteed like this this doctor may not
45:41
allow this anymore and there's some te you know when we plan events I know I'm not going to make everybody happy. The pool is just not somebody not
45:47
everybody's jam. I get that. That's okay. You're allowed to skip it. I wish you wouldn't. I'm putting myself through
45:53
an uncomfortable position. I wish you would too, but if you can't, whatever, dude. Yeah. Uh but don't and like mine that that
46:00
isn't coming cuz she doesn't like the pool. She's not ruining it for anybody else. She's very quiet about it. Very whatever. Very respectful and
46:06
appreciative of the event, but hey, I'm passing on this one. Great. That's fine. I wish she would make a different choice, but no hard feelings like that.
46:12
Really, I have no problems with that. And she's not ruined it for the rest of the team. Yes. Yes. she's still been respectful
46:18
even though she's not coming and I think that's important. So yeah, team members help us out on this.
46:24
Thanks for joining the conversation today. We hope that you are comforted in knowing that you are not alone, but we
46:31
also hope that you're walking away with some really great tips and tricks to try in your practice.
46:37
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